Why Aren't We Happier?

Why aren't we happier? In comparison to the rest of the known universe we've got it pretty damn good. With a cursory glance, you'd think we'd a be happy all the time, all the time... but we're not.

Happiness researchers tell us that on the whole people are no happier now than they were 50 years ago, even though we make alot more money, our homes are way bigger, crime rates are lower, the air is cleaner, and our overall quality of life is better. What gives?

Well, believe it or not, happiness takes work. Mere consumption will never make us happy. As I've reported in previous posts, money only buys happiness if it is buying your way out of poverty. Beyond that, the Law of Diminishing Returns kicks in, and every increase in income produces a smaller and smaller rise in happiness or well being.

So what does produce happiness? Conscious actions that are well within your control. Here are some of them:

* Flow experiences

* Counting your blessings

* Random acts of kindness

* Forgiveness

* Enjoying small pleasures

* Taking care of your health

* Building strong relationships

1) Flow experiences are those times when you're truly in the zone, when what you're doing is so engaging that you are totally absorbed by it, and you completely lose track of time. Flow is brought on by your willing engagement in creative challenges that inspire you and require you to do your best. Watching football in your Lazy Boy Recliner ain't going to put you in flow! Flow comes from doing what you love to do at the highest level you can possibly do it. It's the ultimate fun.

2) Counting your blessings has nothing to do with resting on your laurels or being smug. It has everything to do with realizing what a great life you have -- full of wonderful people, exciting opportunities, natural beauty, and unlimited grace. The secret is in writing down the things you are grateful for -- at least five a day. Research finds that by noting what you are thankful for, you actually become happier! Are you the high tech type? Then throw away the diary and chart your gratitudes online at http://GratitudeLog.com

3)  Random acts of kindness are a great way of letting the inherent goodness of life pulse through you. And, lo and behold, doing something nice for somebody else makes you happier, too! Who'd have thunk it? Maybe there really is something to that "it's more blessed to give than receive" stuff. Don't overanalyze it, just do it. Be spontaneous and let the random acts be truly random -- no ulterior motives, no paybacks.

4) Forgiveness is not just some goody two shoes way to be, it's pure common sense. We all fuck up. We all need forgiveness. It's as simple as that. And we all need to forgive others as much as we need them to forgive us. People who forgive, who get over it and let it go, are much happier than people who hang onto old hurts, slights, and animosities. You aren't hurting others by not forgiving, you're hurting yourself. Be big in both heart and mind -- forgive.

5) Enjoying small pleasures it turns out is more critical to your happiness than chasing peak experiences. Sure it's nice to go on an incredible vacation every now and then or have a once in a lifetime adventure, but enjoyment on a day-to-day basis actually adds much more to your overall sense of well being. Small pleasures are all around you, but they are different for everyone. Be a happiness detective and find the mini-moments of happiness that are hidden in your life.

6) Taking care of your health may not actually make you that happy, but it will give you the capacity to enjoy life longer and more fully, and in that way experience more happiness. It's much harder to be happy when you're infirm, sick, run down, or completely out of shape. 

7) Building strong relationships is fun in and of itself. Maintaining those relationships is, for most people, a great source of happiness. You talk and laugh and eat and drink together. You partake in activities that both of you enjoy. You reminisce about the past, plan for the future, and enjoy the present together. For many people, relationships are the number one source of happiness!

Why aren't we happier? Because we don't consciously do these seven things. We float along waiting for the economy to improve, the weather to get better, or our favorite sports team to win, and we don't take responsibility for own happiness. Gregg Easterbrook author of The Progress Paradox: How Life Gets Better While People Feel Worse, puts it this way: "It requires some effort to achieve a happy outlook on life, and most people don't make it. Most people take the path of least resistance."

But not you! No reason for you to be a "least resister." You can undertake the effort required to create happier life, a happier you. Get started now. The Lazy Boy Recliner won't even miss you.

Happiness Activities

Sonja Lyubomirsky, a psychologist at the University of California Riverside, has written a powerful book on happiness that is based on solid, scientific research. Entitled The How of Happiness, it's the sort of book you need to read if you take happiness seriously, or if you're going to get a PhD in happiness. 

First she tells us that only 40% of what makes for happiness is within our day-to-day control. In her opinion a full 50% of our happiness is due to genetic factors which create the "happiness set point" that I have discussed in previous postings. 10% of our happiness is determined by conditions such as wealth, martial status, etc., which while influenceable by us are not within are control on a daily basis.

And even the 40% of happiness over which we indeed do have control requires a lot of work on our part. Dr. Lyubomirsky does not see happiness as a mere child's game. The work she suggests we do has to do with practicing a dozen happiness-inducing activities. Here's a list of the activities she has identified as helping to produce true happiness:

1) Expressing gratitude

2) Cultivating optimism

3) Avoiding over-thinking and social comparisons

4) Practicing acts of kindness

5) Nurturing social relationships

6) Developing strategies for coping

7) Learning to forgive

8) Increasing flow experiences

9) Savoring life's joys

10) Committing to your goals

11) Practicing religion and/or spirituality

12) Taking care of your body

That's a pretty extensive list! Look it over and right away you'll see you're much better at some of these activities than you are at others. The idea is not to undertake activities in each of the 12 categories everyday. Hell, you wouldn't have time to do anything else! Instead, choose two or three types of activities that really excite you, and consciously work in those arenas. So, let's say that practicing acts of kindness and developing coping strategies both get you jazzed. Start doing more kind things on a daily basis. Read a book on coping mechanisms, attend a lecture or workshop, or talk with a psychotherapist. Focus on these two happiness-inducing categories for a period of time and see what your results are.

Eventually, you may want to work your way around to some of the activities that may be harder for you, like learning to forgive, or taking care of your body. There is no right or wrong order here. Do any of these activities any time you can with the long term goal being creating a balanced, harmonious, integrated life in which your are doing literally everything within your power to experience happiness on an ongoing basis.

Don't stress over the list, have fun with it! Create games in various categories. Work on some types of activities  with friends, colleagues, or family members. As Forest Gump might say, "Happy is as happy does." And whatever that means, though it may not be proven scientifically, I think it's still damn good advice!