Happiness Experiments

Let's take Robert Holden, author of Happiness Now, at his word for a moment. He says that more money, more things, more people, more places, and even more experiences will not make us happier. If he's right, what is there left to do?

Tune into the happiness that is already within you, Holden suggests. "Nothing real stands between you and your happiness," he tells us, "only illusion and your own confusion." Are there ways to dispel illusion and clear up  confusion? Indeed there are, and here are a few.

1) Accept yourself. Most of us spend an inordinate amount of time judging, condemning, defending and trying to fix ourselves. Stop it. I know, I know -- easier said than done. The point is that it's hard to be happy unless you unconditionally accept what is, and the first and foremost "what is" in your life is you. If you're waiting to become perfect in order to become happy, you'll be waiting a lifetime, and then some. Even a a slight move towards accepting yourself the way you are right now -- warts, pimples, bad habits & all -- will increase your overall experience of happiness.

2) Give up suffering. Somehow in our culture, we have been sold the idea that it's noble to suffer. No it isn't; it's just plain stupid. As Holden puts it, "There is no exchange rate between suffering and happiness." In other words being the long suffering mother, child, friend, or martyr ain't going to get you a ticket on the Happiness Express. It's just going to further inculcate your habit of suffering. True happiness is about self-acceptance, not self-sacrifice. 

3) Quit waiting. Anytime you think "I will be happy if... " or "I will be happy when..." you are foregoing true happiness. There are no prerequisites for happiness -- it demands nothing of you. You don't have to be perfect, get enlightened, become a millionaire, love everyone, or win the lottery. There are no hoops to jump through and nothing to be accomplished. As Holden puts it, "Happiness is never grasped, it is simply let loose." Quit waiting to let it loose, let her rip right now!

4) Calm down. All the time there is an underground river, a secret stream of happiness pulsing within us. Usually we're so involved in our thoughts and emotions, our memories and plans, that we don't even perceive this ever-present eddy of joy. Calm down, slow down, relax. Let go of both thoughts and emotions and see what lies beneath. What? Could that be happiness pulsating within? Who'd have thunk it?

5) Go out to go within. Pay attention to the world around you, to the here and now, whether that here and now be the bird's song, the eye brows of the person across from you, or the incessant hum of traffic. By using our senses to tune into what's going on right now, we also open a doorway to tuning into what's going on within us. Attention is transferable. The trick is staying focused on the present moment, both the external and internal present.

It's an experiment. Life that is. And filled with all kinds of mini-experiments, five of which I've recommended above. My hypothesis is that by doing any of these five actions you will begin to attune yourself to your intrinsic, internal happiness. Prove me right, or prove me wrong. Either way, you'll never know until you try.

Happiness Myths

Robert Holden is kind of different, at least as far as happiness theory is concerned. The author of Happiness Now, Holden is a strong proponent of the happiness begins within school of thought. Not just begins, but also resides there and ends there as well.  "Happiness is not in things," he say, "happiness is in you." He is especially adept as pointing out the mistaken notions we have regarding what we need in order to be happy. Here are three of our most prevalent errors.

1) More -- I need more to be happy. More money, more sex, more hair, more time, more love, more friends, more lawn ornaments in my yard -- you get the picture, more of anything. More is nothing but a morass according to Holden. You never need more of anything to be happy, and anytime you think you do all you're doing is putting your happiness on hold.

2) Next -- The next lover, spouse, job, new house, pair of shoes, etc. will make me happy. Next is just more in drag. Once the initial thrill of getting the next anything wears off, you're right back to your old level of happiness, or misery, as the case my be. All external things fall victim to The Adaption Principle. What this means is that you will soon begin to take the more or the next for granted, and it will no longer cause the little buzz of pleasure that it initially provided.

3) There -- Happiness is over there somewhere, and as soon as I get there, I'll be happy. "There" can be a new geographic location, a new relationship state (married, divorced, etc.), a new activity (college, retirement) or a new identity (doctor, saint, business owner, etc.). The problem with "there" is that happiness is always on the horizon, always kept at bay, because one "there" is inevitably replaced by another and another and another, until you're at the point where the only way you can be happy is to lose your life and be in heaven or reincarnated or something!

The truth, according to Holden is that happiness is always here, always now. "Happiness does not come and go," he points out, "what comes and goes is your attunement to happiness." In other words, if you can't be happy right here, right now, you ain't ever going to be truly happy. 

That changes the whole nature of the game. Instead of trying to get more, next, and there, we need to focus on the attunement process. No more moving around the deck chairs on the Titanic, we need to focus within rather than without. 

How do we attune? Stay tuned and find out, because that will the subject of the next post.