Happiness Myths

Robert Holden is kind of different, at least as far as happiness theory is concerned. The author of Happiness Now, Holden is a strong proponent of the happiness begins within school of thought. Not just begins, but also resides there and ends there as well.  "Happiness is not in things," he say, "happiness is in you." He is especially adept as pointing out the mistaken notions we have regarding what we need in order to be happy. Here are three of our most prevalent errors.

1) More -- I need more to be happy. More money, more sex, more hair, more time, more love, more friends, more lawn ornaments in my yard -- you get the picture, more of anything. More is nothing but a morass according to Holden. You never need more of anything to be happy, and anytime you think you do all you're doing is putting your happiness on hold.

2) Next -- The next lover, spouse, job, new house, pair of shoes, etc. will make me happy. Next is just more in drag. Once the initial thrill of getting the next anything wears off, you're right back to your old level of happiness, or misery, as the case my be. All external things fall victim to The Adaption Principle. What this means is that you will soon begin to take the more or the next for granted, and it will no longer cause the little buzz of pleasure that it initially provided.

3) There -- Happiness is over there somewhere, and as soon as I get there, I'll be happy. "There" can be a new geographic location, a new relationship state (married, divorced, etc.), a new activity (college, retirement) or a new identity (doctor, saint, business owner, etc.). The problem with "there" is that happiness is always on the horizon, always kept at bay, because one "there" is inevitably replaced by another and another and another, until you're at the point where the only way you can be happy is to lose your life and be in heaven or reincarnated or something!

The truth, according to Holden is that happiness is always here, always now. "Happiness does not come and go," he points out, "what comes and goes is your attunement to happiness." In other words, if you can't be happy right here, right now, you ain't ever going to be truly happy. 

That changes the whole nature of the game. Instead of trying to get more, next, and there, we need to focus on the attunement process. No more moving around the deck chairs on the Titanic, we need to focus within rather than without. 

How do we attune? Stay tuned and find out, because that will the subject of the next post.