With a little reflection, most people agree that about the only thing really control is themself. And even that control may be more theoretical than actual, as anyone who has ever tried to go on a diet, or adopt a new exercise program, knows.
But, short of someone physically overpowering you, you have the potential to control your own actions. No one can make you do anything. Oh, sure, they can ask, cajole, demand, threaten, etc., but they really can't make you. You control your own actions. And as a rule of thumb, the better you are at controlling your actions, the happier you will be.
For one, you will do what you really want to do. More enjoyable activities = more happiness. Two, you will do what you really need to do, or have obligated yourself to do. And, even though these actions may not produce immediate gratification, they will add to your long term happiness, in part, at least, by making the people around you happy. Third, controlling yourself, builds your "control muscles," so to speak, and so you begin to produce more and more happiness on an ongoing basis.
The second part of yourself that you can control is your attitudes, your emotions. "Wait just one doggone minute," I hear some of you protesting, "I can't control my feelings. Sometimes I just feel hurt, or angry, or sad, and it's not under my control." OK, I believe you. We've all had experiences where something happens and an instantaneous feeling flares up and overwhelms us. Sometimes our immediate feelings are not under our control, but the overall emotional tenor of our life is. And it all has to do with our thoughts.
Imagine that you're driving to work, doing your best Jeff Gordon imitation because you just happen to be a couple of minutes late. All of a sudden, someone pulls out in front of you in a (insert brand of car you don't like here), and you have to slam your brakes damn near through the floorboard in order to avoid a fiery, bloody crash. Adrenaline pumps through your blood stream, the fight or flight response kicks in, and all of a sudden you are so damn angry that you'll kick the Dalai Lama's ass, if he so much as looks at you sideways.
But within seconds the chemicals that flooded your body and brain subside. Now you are back in control, and what you choose to feel is up to you, up to what you choose to think. You could think "That son-of-a-bitching (insert deragatory term for religious, racial or ethnic group you don't like here) he almost killed me!" And then your mind is off to the races blaming, screaming, feeling sorry for itself, and starting into its litany of everything that's wrong with the world.
Or, you could choose to be relieved. "Whew! Close call." Or grateful "Thank God, I wasn't killed." It's up to you. How you feel about, describe, talk about, and even remember, the accident that never really happened, is completely up to you. And it's easy to see which type of responses would produce immediate and long term happiness and which would have the exact opposite effect.
Sure, there are alot of other things in the world over which you have little or no control, but so what? We'll talk about those another time. For now just focus on yourself. What are the actions and attitudes over which you'd like to exert more control? What opportunities do you have to build your control muscles day-to-day by doing so?
Focus upon yourself, not in a selfish way but in a positive way, in a way where you take more responsibility for what you do and feel, and thus more responsibility for your own happiness. If a good portion of your happiness is in your own hands, think how much easier it is for you to be happy. Do things that make you happy. Let the positive thoughts you choose to think be the building blocks for the overall emotional tenor of your life.
Experiment. Have fun with it. Being all deadly serious ain't going to make you happy! Learn to control yourself, increase your happiness. It's as simple as that.
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